Can’t lie… totally laughed out loud in line at the post office when I read this!
He’s Not Cheating…He’s Just Disgusting
It was just an innocent shower. But it turned out to be so much more.
After a particularly unfresh, unsanitary, rather unkempt Wednesday at work I came home and immediately took a shower. I arrived downstairs like a new man ready for some wholesome family time. However, my bride wanted to know why I took a shower as soon as I got home from work.
As it turns out Frequent Showering is the No. 1 sign that a man is cheating on his spouse according to every women’s magazine ever published in the history of women. Who knew?
I laughed, flattered that my wife might actually think that a 36-year-old, middle manager with four kids and three dollars in his pocket is marketable on the dating scene. “I’m not having an affair, Honey. I’m just disgusting….Oh, and I had to burn another pair of underwear. Now, what’s for dinner?”
But this got me thinking. What other random acts and false signs am I putting out there that’s telling my wife that I’m having an affair? So I went online. And apparently everything I do is a sign that I’m cheating on my bride. According to online polls and women’s magazines I am unfaithful.
So here are the signs…But hold on, Ladies. Your man is not cheating. He’s just disgusting. Let me explain.
Changing Grooming Habits…Great! It’s bad enough that every time I do a little manscaping down under my bride makes me clean the entire bathroom with Clorox wipes, but now I have to also assure her that this grooming is for her benefit. Well, it’s not. Once again, men are disgusting. We grow hair in the strangest, darkest of places. Ladies, if the vacuum cleaner ever breaks all you have to do is roll your naked husband all over the carpet and watch how much lint and dirt his body hair collects. Then just pick him up, take him out back and shake him off the deck like a welcome mat.
